Yappy Hour ft. How to Have the Perfect Birthday Party
Or how I beat the birthday blues, and it turns out all it took was some decked out dogs, Nelly, and half a dozen martinis.
The days of disco are over. Luckily for us, the days of jiggling vigorously to Nelly is still very much alive! I had a perfect birthday weekend, because I rang in the new age by shaking my butt so furiously to Destiny’s Child that I knocked the cocktail glass out of my friend’s hand, causing it to shatter all over the floor. God bless, Ding-a-Ling on Avenue C for having the most fastidious and attentive servers, because the incredible Luva rushed over soon after to help clean up the broken glass, and didn’t make me feel like a total idiot. I love Luva.
What makes for a good birthday party? The importance is, of course, mostly in the company you keep. But I have three tenets that are attainable to uphold to make your special day actually special. Birthdays are tough. I think for women under a patriarchal society that sentiment is especially true. I remember reading a study that my friend shared with me while we were in college that men on Tinder no matter their age range, chose to match with women who were aged between 20-22. Seeing the chart that tracked mens ages in relation to the ages of women they were willing to date has been burned into my memory. Of course, desirability to horny men can’t be anyone’s reason for living. To (mis)quote Adriana Lima “men will fuck a chicken sandwich.” Shun the value the patriarchy places on women’s youth as much as we want, but we still unfortunately live in their world.
So what do we do when the world sucks, may be ending, and is just generally a chaotic shit storm? We have to party, of course! The Beastie Boys fought for your right to party. Some of the best parties were thrown amidst the y2k panic. Prohibition was the catalyst for some of the most historic parties ever thrown. Just ask Gatsby.
My mood going into another birthday was somber, truthfully. I grabbed weenies and tinis with Rebecca, my friend who reps one of my favorite 80s themed throwback bars, Romeo’s on St. Marks Place. Even the presence of a fucking borderline erotic Rubirosa inspired hot dog (think mozzerella and pizza sauce on a hot dog mmm), and a delightfully refreshing martini could not quell the well of sadness inside me. Birthdays bring up expectations, for myself, for my life, for how my loved ones will show up, and they make me reflect on my life, which apparently bums me out.
Luckily, no matter how sad I am, I can still find a way to party. As Lesley Gore, who also happens to have the same birthday as me, sang “It’s my party and I can cry if I want to!” So listen up, sad sacks, or happy-go-lucky birthday babies, no matter your mood, I can tell you my secrets to making sure your birthday party is one that you actually enjoy.
Keep it casual
I know you might have the urge to plan yourself a luxurious Blair Waldorf-esque dinner at Gramercy Tavern or some West Village hot spot where there’s a prix fixe menu and everyone’s cocktails are $25 each, but I strongly encourage you to reconsider. Avoid a birthday dinner at all costs. And emphasis on cost, because it usually ends up costing your friends a hefty split check, and people will be grumpy about it—whether they admit that to your face or behind your back. Maybe if your birthday dinner is a reservation for four, you can get away with it. But if you’re planning for fifteen of your closest friends to eat dinner together Jesus the Last Supper style, you’re going to create some Judases.
The most stress-free and easy way to keep your birthday going smoothly for you and everyone who’s attending is to meet at a bar. That takes away the need for punctuality, people can arrive when they’re able to. No need to stand around awkwardly, because you can’t be seated until your entire party’s present and friend #11 is stuck on the F train from hell. It also takes away the pressure of splitting checks when maybe a sober friend is paying for splitting two bottles of wine she didn’t drink. Don’t you feel better already?
But, Sirena, isn’t there a minimum at the bar or the club, if I want to host a large party you ask? No, my dear. There’s always a way around that! Luckily we live in a city with an abundance of bars. There’s one for every mood, musical genre, type of liquor, or level of exclusivity you could possibly want. Plus, I have a list of bars in the city where you can reserve booths/tables for no minimum. Dm me for it ;)
some juicy dogs are essential Send a save the date
That’s right. Just like you would for a wedding, pick the day you’re going to celebrate and send out an invite to the people you most want to be present, and ask them to save that date. Do it almost a month in advance, even earlier if you’d prefer. You don’t have to know any other details besides the day of your party. But it’s important to let your friends know that they shouldn’t make other plans for that day far ahead of time, if you want them to make it! This saves you a lot of pain, and also helps you plan for the number of guests you can expect.
Keep the booze flowing
This honestly might be the number one and most important rule for a stress-free fulfilling birthday. It’ll be a night where you’re the host, you’ll be combining friend groups who don’t all know each other, and maybe the most they have in common is you. You can’t be on duty all night making sure everyone’s getting along and having fun. That’s where the booze comes in. Something I found fun at my birthday this year was asking everyone else to take shots in my honor. I’ll have some water, thank you. But you all will take a shot for me. Your friends will get nice and drunk and start having fun with someone they’ve never met before. Guaranteed there will be no awkward silences. No small talk about their jobs or what train they live close to. Not after a couple of shots. Maybe they won’t even remember what they talked about, but they’ll remember that it was a good time.
having great friends who can sponsor Rosaluna mezcal cocktails also helps
This was essentially the formula for my past couple of birthdays. It’s much more fun when you take the stress off yourself. Tell people where to show up and when, and let the booze do the rest. I did the annoying and unholy thing of throwing two birthday parties this year, which I don’t think I’ll ever do again. I need a full month’s retreat to unwind after celebrating all the Taurus’s in my life. My second party was at Ray’s bar in LES. I had it there, because I got wind that they do playlist takeovers, and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to throw a Fast and Furious themed party, which has always been my dream. And my good friend Acadia even whipped up some cocktails made from Rosaluna mezcal, a brand she luckily works with for everyone who showed up. We had specialty espresso martinis and margaritas. It was heaven.
The parties in the Fast movies are just iconic. (Note to self: work on blog post going through all the best party scenes in movies.) The Fast and Furious party is the ultimate aspirational party to me. They’re always a bit rough around the edges. The one in the first film is a house party, and most of the time they take place in the street, because obviously that’s where all the drag racing happens. Everyone’s wearing low waisted everything with their boxers or their thongs hanging out. There’s cleavage, sweat, Coronas as far as the eye can see. It feels like the set-up for a Nelly music video. And maybe because I was raised on MTV, that’s what I’m programmed to believe is the ideal party. I just love a party party, where everyone’s grinding up on each other, sweating on each other, getting really sloppy, and wearing very little clothing. My ideal party doesn’t have the space or the noise level for much talking, except to share secrets or gossip in whispers in line for the bathroom. Ahh, one day I’ll throw the most magnificent party this town has ever seen. And you’re all invited.